On Food

Last night, I was telling Porkchop about how I’ve been reading some blogs of other folks who have gone sugar-, wheat-, caffeine-, alcohol-, etc-free, and how I often get annoyed with some stuff.

I’ve noticed that people often write, you know, after eating this way for a while, I don’t want sugar, wheat, caffeine, [insert whatever here].

And in my head, I think, well bully for you, you who have obviously reached the enlightened state of eating.

As I told Porkchop, if such things didn’t make me feel like utter shit, I would be eating chocolate chip cookies with a bowl of ice cream and brownies with a piece of pizza. And then I’d go have a glass of wine followed by a hazelnut latte. And then a giant loaf of wheat bread.

Because you know what? I miss those things.

Yeah, I feel tons better, but I miss bringing out the flour and sugar canisters and baking up something. And then eating it.

Yes, I do still make things. I’m currently snacking on a batch of chocolate almond macaroons made with almond meal, unsweetened baking chocolate, and agave nectar (which is okay for me as long as I don’t go overboard with it). Last week I made a batch of pretty darned good peanut butter fudge, made with peanut butter, unsweetened baking chocolate, and agave nectar (sense a theme here? Chocolate: I miss it).

But it isn’t the same.

I’m tempted to give up on trying to substitute things (almond meal and flour is not wheat flour; unsweetened baking chocolate mixed with agave nectar is not high quality dark chocolate), but my circle of snacks and treats is already quite circumscribed.

I eat a shit ton of almonds everyday, but I don’t necessarily enjoy them. I eat almond butter on celery, but not because I enjoy celery. I actually hate celery! I eat quinoa, but what I really want is some good pasta or a bowl of rice.

I wish there was a Grain & Sugar Anonymous group or something, but without the religious-based 12 step program. I don’t have sugar or wheat cravings anymore, but I still have memories of baking chocolate chip cookies with my mom, of enjoying freshly baked bread with Porkchop, of sitting down with a cup of black tea and a square of dark chocolate and being utterly satisfied.

(And then feeling like crap, but let’s not mar my memories.)

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4 thoughts on “On Food

  1. Darcie says:

    I hate celery.
    Quinoa tastes like grass, but I eat it because of the health factor.
    Chocolate sweetened with agave is terrible. (I tried a piece at a high-end chocolate shop in Boulder, CO and had to cleanse my palate with a piece of decent chocolate.) I’d rather have one square of good stuff than 50 squares of bad stuff.

    It’s hard for foodies (like you!) to be so restricted in diet. But it’s for the best? You feel better now, right? I know substitutes aren’t the same, but it will get better. Won’t it?

    I finally gave up on the vegan thing because of cheese. I love cheese very much. Vegan cheese is soooo not the same and it made me so f*ing mad. You would not believe the crap they try to pass off as “cheese.”

    I’m sorry this sucks. That’s all I have.

    • carrie says:

      I’d rather eat the gum stuck to a shoe sole than eat vegan cheese. I’ve tried it before, and it is naaaaaaasty.

      Sometimes quinoa is okay. If it’s dressed with a sauce or served with the right thing….oh, why am I trying to pretend? Quinoa is not that tasty, even if soaked in butter or other goodness.

      My chocolate-agave stuff tastes alright, but that might be because I’m quite desperate to have some chocolate in my life. What I can’t believe is the chocolate-agave truffle that sells for $10 at Whole Foods and other grocery stores. It’s an itty-bitty box, and I want to meet whoever pays $10 for that because maybe I have some things that they would buy.

      Overall I feel much, much better, but sometimes I just want a big bowl of ice cream that I don’t have to make myself. Or to just order whatever at a restaurant and not worry about how I’ll feel later!

      • cj says:

        i hear you.
        Next time you are in Madison I’ll take you to the Weary, which now has a steak quinoa salad that is bueno.

        but it’s not the same. i just feel you on that front so much. For that 18 months that I ate nothing but steamed veggies, baked potatoes, polenta, brown rice, and rice milk, much of it was spent feeling cheated.

      • carrie says:

        We will be in Madison Thursday of next week! August 11! Will you be around? Steak quinoa salad sounds great!

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