Last night, I was telling Porkchop about how I’ve been reading some blogs of other folks who have gone sugar-, wheat-, caffeine-, alcohol-, etc-free, and how I often get annoyed with some stuff.
I’ve noticed that people often write, you know, after eating this way for a while, I don’t want sugar, wheat, caffeine, [insert whatever here].
And in my head, I think, well bully for you, you who have obviously reached the enlightened state of eating.
As I told Porkchop, if such things didn’t make me feel like utter shit, I would be eating chocolate chip cookies with a bowl of ice cream and brownies with a piece of pizza. And then I’d go have a glass of wine followed by a hazelnut latte. And then a giant loaf of wheat bread.
Because you know what? I miss those things.
Yeah, I feel tons better, but I miss bringing out the flour and sugar canisters and baking up something. And then eating it.
Yes, I do still make things. I’m currently snacking on a batch of chocolate almond macaroons made with almond meal, unsweetened baking chocolate, and agave nectar (which is okay for me as long as I don’t go overboard with it). Last week I made a batch of pretty darned good peanut butter fudge, made with peanut butter, unsweetened baking chocolate, and agave nectar (sense a theme here? Chocolate: I miss it).
But it isn’t the same.
I’m tempted to give up on trying to substitute things (almond meal and flour is not wheat flour; unsweetened baking chocolate mixed with agave nectar is not high quality dark chocolate), but my circle of snacks and treats is already quite circumscribed.
I eat a shit ton of almonds everyday, but I don’t necessarily enjoy them. I eat almond butter on celery, but not because I enjoy celery. I actually hate celery! I eat quinoa, but what I really want is some good pasta or a bowl of rice.
I wish there was a Grain & Sugar Anonymous group or something, but without the religious-based 12 step program. I don’t have sugar or wheat cravings anymore, but I still have memories of baking chocolate chip cookies with my mom, of enjoying freshly baked bread with Porkchop, of sitting down with a cup of black tea and a square of dark chocolate and being utterly satisfied.
(And then feeling like crap, but let’s not mar my memories.)