If anyone still reads this, hello! I’ve decided to reopen this joint because I want to write again, but starting a new blog didn’t feel like the thing to do.
So here we are again.
I have many new changes to report in my life, starting with…
The Celexa generic was messing with my body big time, so I tapered off it beginning mid-April. It helped me through some rough spots, but the side effects became too overwhelming for me. These included:
- Night sweats. Horrible night sweats. The worst occurred during dosage changes, and I often had to change pajamas six times during the night because I was soaked through. Ew.
- Feeling cranked up all the time. I was a machine on citalopram. Sleep? Who needs it? Tired? What’s tired? Some people might see this as a good thing, but I’m so happy to become tired and sleep.
- Inability to orgasm. Yeah, that sucked and was unacceptable.
- Menstrual cycle wackiness. One month I was a week late, and the next month I was two weeks early. The early period freaked me out, and I was ready to go to an urgent care clinic for some sort of weird internal bleeding. Then I realized it was my period. Two weeks early.
I’ve been off the pills for a while and feel great. The tapering down week was the weirdest ever. Night sweats meant little sleep, and my head felt all zappy. Little lightning strikes would move through my brain. Such an odd feeling.
I was accepted into the Masters of Occupational Therapy program at Washington University! Hurrah!
Orientation starts August 23, with classes beginning shortly thereafter on August 28. I’m excited and anxious and looking forward to quitting my job on August 10. Just four more weeks, which I hope are long and short all at the same time.
Taking care of the house and yard by myself is tough work, so the yard is dying, the garden barely exists, and weeds run amok. Those things kind of suck, but I’m too distracted by other things to get in the backyard and weed. Some things have moved down in my priority list, and that’s totally fine.
As of yesterday, I have a roommate! This setup could have the makings for a roommate comedy, but we shall see. The new roomie is young at 24, and she’s from a little town just 10 miles from where I grew up. If I’m not careful, my Bootheel accent could return. She also has a little Jack Russell terrier, which I think will be fun. A pet without the work! (Keetah now lives with Porkchop due to her inappropriate urination issue.)
For my birthday, I went up to visit friends in Minneapolis. The lakes and the greenness there were a welcome break from St. Louis. If I do end up moving to Minneapolis after my OT program, I’ll have a great group of built-in friends:
My friend Katie has a motorcycle, and we went on some rides around her neighborhood. The motorcycle helmet totally dwarfed my head:
I still try to get in regular knitting sessions. Over the weekend, I started Leftie. I can see myself making a few of these using different color combinations. This is my first:
In April, I started to try out online dating, and it’s been rather successful. Also complicated.
I started out wanting to try for another long-term relationship right off the bat. It’s what I was used to, and I thought it was what I wanted. Then I actually went on a couple of dates, and I realized the idea of an LTR felt suffocating and claustrophobic. Also, monogamy…I realized that I’m not feeling it. And I might not ever feel it again, and that’s totally okay.
Together, these two realizations were a rather big shift. But then I let myself come to another realization: that it’s okay for me to explore my attraction to men.
Men! Crazy, right?! It took a lot for me to give myself permission to do this, and it helped that a new good friend of mine was going through a similar process at the same time.
Right now I have a couple of new relationships forming, both with men. I had been seeing a woman for six weeks or so, but I just wasn’t feeling it. Part of not feeling it was specific to the person, and part of it was due to the fact that she was a woman. I’m still queer – no need to worry about that! – but I’m just feeling kind of meh about women at the moment.
In short: feeling good, going to school soon, quitting my job soon, dating men. It’s a crazy new world out there.