When considering with whom I should pair up for my stats lab, I chose another older student who is pretty laid back about stuff. What I didn’t realize is that he is an amazing curser.

I hang out with some pretty good swearers, but this guy’s cursing is gold. Which is awesome because I’m amused during our lab work rather than bored out of my mind.

Picture a computer lab full of young, hardworking, shiny students, and then me and my partner in a corner. I usually look like something the cat dragged in, and he hulks over the computer with his 6′ 5″ frame. All the other students are la-di-da stats la-di-da while a stream of expletives comes from our corner, all said in a hard Baltimore-New York-Chicago hybrid accent:

Goddamn piece of shit motherfucking SPSS you fucking piece of shit. Fuck you Excel and your goddamned fucking copy and paste shit, fuuuuuuck youuuuu. Motherfucker. Fuck. I’m going to fucking tear this up, shitty SPSS. Goddamn motherfucker.

The usual wrap up is:

Fucking stupid stats tables. Fuck them motherfuckers pieces of shit. Hey, do you want to grab some lunch from the food truck?

I chuckle. A lot.

Two-Step Anarchy

Porkchop recruited me for a two-step class, and the first one was last night. This is part of our independent projects of Trying New Things. And for me, Get Out of My Comfort Zone.

Guess what? My dance skills have not improved at all.

I’m a whiz at the emo head-bob dance. I can even move my lower body. However, paired dancing is a totally different story.

I was paired up with a bossy lesbian who said things like, You have to follow and let me lead.

As my stats partner would say, screw that motherfucking piece of shit dancing.

Seriously, I have a problem following, but I don’t want to lead either. I realized on the drive home that I’m more of a dance anarchist. I’d much rather have a collective team rather than a leader and a follower. But I suppose that wouldn’t really work.

Also, there was a lot of lesbian talk during the session. Groan. Queers: where are you?

Pony Up

On the way home from two-stepping, I cranked up this song and smiled.

Carrie Brownstein, come take me away.

10 thoughts on “POS SPSS

  1. Ale says:

    This motherfucking post is hilarious :-)

  2. Porkchop says:

    I didn’t really dig two-step. I know it was just the first night, but any dance that won’t allow me to move my upper body at all is no good in my book.

    Agreed on the lesbians. Although I think the lone gay guy made it worse with all his talk of being a lady and a queen or whatever.

    I think you’ve identified my other problem with it… A “collective team” for two-step would be better and I think is why T and I had issues last night. I just kept assuming that if I said, “Hey, you ready to turn?” that she could turn at the appropriate time… but she was actually waiting on me to raise my hand and push off her back and spin her or whatever… I liked being the lead, but I don’t like being so bossy.

    • carrie says:

      I didn’t want to lead because my brain can’t hear the two-step rhythm in the music (seriously, it all sounds the same, right?), but I didn’t like being pushed around so much.

      Were you one of the oil-pump people?

      We should find some square dancing. That’s much more fun.

  3. I have a feeling I’d be a failure at two-step also, especially if bossy-pants was ordering me around. That just makes me feel flustered and more confused. I’m kinda into the idea of swing though. I feel like it’s more equitable. I have no actual experience, but I want to try. :) Having previously used SPSS in my Research Methods class, I concur with your partner. SPSS is a mother fucking piece of confusing shit and it can take it’s T-tests, all the associated tails, and Pearson’s r’s and cram it where the sun don’t shine. :P

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