Yesterday ended/today began with a midnight phone conversation with CJ, whom I am immensely grateful to count as a friend. The chat wrapped up with CJ saying something that struck me in a very good way. To paraphrase (and hopefully not mess it up): we know our truth, and at some point we will act accordingly.
I thought about this some more this morning as I did a bit of sat nam meditation before a mini kundalini set. Sat nam: I am truth; truth is my identity.
Looking back, I’ve been grappling with my truth for the past few months.
Post-break-up, I kind of wanted to scrap everything. Kick my old, damaged self to the curb and build something new. Something fresher and more exciting. Daring and a bit crazy.
But I’ll level with you…I tried my best in my previous days to walk a path of compassion and understanding, of groundedness and introspection, of truth and kindness. And deviating from this path led to some major cognitive dissonance.
I was often operating at a frenetic pace, trying to keep up with crazy things. Sometimes I would zoom out, look at my life, and think what the fuck is this?
While I met some good people who are keepers, a lot of it was utter crap. Meaningless, mindnumbing crap.
Yesterday, I looked at the shambles that are my raised beds and felt terrible for not taking care of my plants and nurturing them through the summer. I let them fend for themselves during a horribly hot season, and I vowed to not repeat my actions next summer.
I feel quite the same about my life. I fed it crappy things and did not give it direction or support. Weeds overtook my thoughts, and it’s taking some work to reclaim them.
I suppose everyone is entitled to one crazy period in life, and I’m glad I burned through mine pretty quickly.
But there is work to be done now.
There is a path to walk, truth to be reclaimed, and greatness to be had.
Forward, my friends, forward.