Nighttime

Sometimes I think I’ll never have normal sleep again.

Last night I had three hours before waking up at 2:30. At 4:30, I wrote my professors to notify them that I wouldn’t be in class today. Then I took part of an Ambien and slept until 9:00. And now…now I’m trying to work through post-Ambien haziness.

I’ve been having some difficulty lately with Just Being. I hate wanting something and not knowing things.

I can often push unpleasantness to the edge of my mind during the day, but the cracks in the night bring forth a flurry of unwelcome thoughts and dis-ease.

What I really need right now is a remote lake. A place where I can sit alone and watch the water ebb and flow and become okay with the ebb and flow inside me.

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