So many good, amazing, wonderful things have happened in the past year, but I feel like I’m at a similar point as last year.
This is my current song on constant repeat:
Maybe it’s a bit melodramatic…maybe. But, damn it, I’ve been emotionally dried out and my heart feels like it was scraped across the road. Less so now, though, which is a good thing.
So easily, I became wrapped up in an intensely intoxicating whirlwind of a person, and then I was ejected out and left alone to claw my way through feelings. Claiming oneself to be emotionally unavailable is a maddening cowardly thing to do. Claiming that love is unconditional and infinite is a way to avoid doing real emotional work required of any sort of relationship, even friendship. Claiming to be wacky and quirky is a thin veil for actually being a self-absorbed, self-important prick.
The problem with being compassionate and empathetic is that one can easily ignore red flags. Oh my goodness, the red flags.
Anyway, here I am, trying to begin another year without cynicism and skepticism, but dang it…it can be difficult.
Thank goodness for awesome friends…real friends who don’t use cop-outs like being emotionally unavailable…who don’t mind listening to me spew endless rantiness and tears.
Things will be better…I just have to get over this yucky little speed bump called a mishandled and slightly broken heart.