Breakups suck all around, but queer breakups are probably the most heart-wrenching.
We queers have a unique brand of co-dependency. It’s hard to explain to the rest of the world, but we get into each other’s skin and become each other’s life-breath. It is the best thing in the world when you’re in it, and the suckiest thing when it ends.
The breakup feels like a part of you has been ripped out. You feel off balance afterwards. Something very important is missing: your counterweight, your partner, your best friend.
This might make you angry, make you lash out, make you block out the other person. Or you might become super clingy and call or text the person every day to tell them that you miss them.
Porkchop and I reacted in very opposite ways during and after our breakup, which is appropriate because we were always each other’s counterweight.
But now we’re hitting our stride and becoming real friends again. I can’t speak for Porkchop, but the process for me was quite a struggle.
I’m at a good place now, though. I feel peaceful with honoring the good of our relationship and cutting each of us slack on the bad.
Shit happens, neither of us is perfect, and what matters most is the here and now. And now I’m glad to have my friend back. The person who knew me better than anyone else in the world, and still does. I don’t have to use words around Porkchop, I just have to breathe and be in the silence.
What Porkchop Gave to Me
To honor the good, I’ve compiled a list of things that Porkchop taught me during our relationship. This is non-comprehensive and a bit jumbled:
- How to express pure love.
- How to be affectionate.
- How to express happiness and joy and not be so damned serious all the time.
- How to talk about my feelings instead of running away.
- How to set type.
- How to be a printmaking assistant.
- How to sing backup vocals to Jackson 5 songs.
- How to pick the freshest bags of Nibs and little chocolate donuts at gas stations.
- How to plan a kick-ass vacation.
- How to watch an ice hockey game.
- How to do a wrist shot.
- How to sometimes leave things messy.
- How to judge when a Mt. Dew has been in the freezer long enough to be just the right about of slushy.
Hi! This is Porkchop… It’s October 8th, and today would have been our 12th anniversary. Some people may wanna just sit and sulk on a day like today. But I say screw that! Today is the day that I first started loving Carrie. And a little breakup doesn’t change that. She’s my best friend… the one who understands me the most… the one who knows me like the back of her hand. She’ll always be a part of me. And I think that should be celebrated. So I am re-branding today, “Amanda and Carrie Day”…. and I’m gonna continue celebrating it every year.
I’m so lucky to have Carrie in my life…. and I’ll never forget everything I’ve learned from being with her. Here’s a very small sampling of:
What Carrie Gave to Me
- Balancing a checkbook and paying bills on time is probably for the best.
- Sometimes when you work for a computer company… you may train on computers.
- Good chocolate is actually amazing… not Hersheys… but real, good chocolate.
- Making a bed makes you feel good… and it’s worth the time.
- Temper tantrums are for two-year-olds. Throwing things is never acceptable.
- Dierbergs > Shop N Save
- Sometimes it’s nice to just sit… and not talk.
- There are vegetables in the world. And they are probably good for you.
- Some people clean their mini-blinds… and the blades of their ceiling fan.
- Maybe it’s not best to have Mountain Dew after 3pm.
- Who gives a shit what other people think?
- Don’t be afraid to try new things.
- Love. Be Happy. Enjoy each and every day with your loved ones. You never know when it will be your last.