Melt is a new-ish place in the Carondelet area, and I suggest you check it out.
- coffee drinks
- waffles, including gluten-free!
- ice cream
- boozy shakes
In sum: all of the good things.
What more could you want, really?
I always think it’s strange when people ask me questions like What are you looking for in someone? or What sort of relationship do you want?
When I’m by myself, I’m okay with just that. But when I’m around other people who pepper me with questions, it starts to make me feel like I shouldn’t be okay with it. Like I should be looking for Something Big and not happy with being on my own.
I start to feel ungrounded.
I’m looking for me to be grateful, happy, resilient, at ease, and at peace. I want a relationship with myself in which I’m honest, trustworthy, and respectful.
And I think that’s more than enough.
Sometimes it still weirds me out that my life right now is so different from the life I had a couple of years.
Minus some unsettledness I experienced recently, I’m stretching out into it.
I’ve always had a desire for emotional safety and comfort in my life, driven from a rather tumultuous childhood spent around mercurial temperaments and other dysfunctions. While I have this safety and comfort again now, it is in very different forms and packages, and it takes some getting used to.
I’m slow to adjust sometimes, but I truly do like this life.
And this song.
Other Good Things
Quinoa chocolate cake in cupcake form (and with agave instead of sugar).
There’s something about this combination of being in school and kicking down a leaf-strewn sidewalk while drinking hot tea and wearing a scarf that transports me to my undergrad years in Columbia.
Or maybe it’s this feeling of wide-openness in my life right now that takes me back.
In any case, I’ve been listening to old school Ani recently, which I haven’t done in 12 years or so. And I think about friends, the fall, coffee, writing, of feeling close and feeling open.
In all the crappiness that I had ensue in the past approximately 24 hours, I was struck by a realization:
I have a great support network.
It’s a random cobbled-together little network spread over various places, but it’s mine and I love it.
Nothing can jerk one out of maudlin existential woe like finding a disemboweled chicken, one half-dead chicken, and one injured chicken.
A raccoon broke into the chicken coop through an air vent. My roommate found the mess.
Porkchop came over to help with clean up.
June Wayne is gone, and Scooter is following quickly. Scout was able to hold her own better and escaped with minor injuries (we think).
Falling asleep to the words of a yogi.
A mat is my bed tonight.
The yogi says, “You and I are different…we grew up so much more quickly than most other people.”
I look around mentally, and I realize that is what defines my true friends.
Some mornings begin with snicker-worthy events.
This morning, for example!
Today started with Porkchop calling and inquiring whether I could:
Since my school is just blocks from her workplace, it worked out. We can all breathe a bit more easily knowing that Porkchop is bridled.
And I will leave it to one’s imagination as to what prompted this request in the first place.
Someone has posted my new favorite. I listen to this at least five times a day.
Also, it wasn’t my intention to be Cat Power’s hair copycat.
Some mornings, I find myself wiping up menstrual blood off the floor of the public restroom in my program’s building.
Those mornings are awesome.
I’m usually a tidy cup user, but sometimes splashes and splatters happen. It doesn’t bother me so much – I’m more concerned about the occupants of other stalls who probably don’t expect a blood spatter to intrude upon them.
I’ve had my ParaGard since mid-August, and things are nearly back in order. This round of bleeding is more normal, although heavier. However, I prefer that to last month when I wanted to get a spoon and scrape everything out instead of suffering from a very slow leak.
I never wrote about the IUD insertion. It was like getting punched in the cervix and having a fork stuck in my uterus.
The best part was that I nearly passed out afterwards. It was my own little after school special at Planned Parenthood that day, complete with a bloody pool on the exam table paper. To make it even better, Porkchop and her girlfriend came to my rescue…picking me up and driving my car back to my house.
But, seriously, it wasn’t too bad. And I’m still glad I went the copper IUD route rather than hormonal stuff.